The Omega Fontega

Virg insisted I blog about this. Our favorite sandwich place is Panera, where they consistently put together sandwiches with great combinations of ingredients. And whatever you order, they seem to be done making it before you can find a table.

Last week I stopped at our local Panera and ordered a Fontega Chicken Hot Panini sandwich. Ten minutes later, one of the people making sandwiches called out my name, and told me they were out of that sandwich. This confused me. I can understand being out of a particular ingredient, but how can you be out of an entire sandwich? So I asked, "Did you just say you were out of Fontega Chicken?" The woman replied, "Well, we only have half a sandwich left. But we can give you half of any other hot panini sandwich." From this, I learned two important facts about Panera:

1. The hot panini sandwiches aren't made fresh. They're pre-made.
2. The people at Panera are unable to assemble new hot panini sandwiches. (This is mysterious, because they clearly possess chicken, mozzarella, tomato, and focaccia.)

The implication is clear. Panera does not make hot panini sandwiches. A long time ago, Panera explorers came upon the remnants of an ancient society of super-intelligent aliens, who, deep within an intricate network of underground crystal caves, hid a stash of hot panini sandwiches. And since 1981, Panera has been mining those sandwiches and selling them to customers for $6.79. Except that now, I have eaten the last of the Fontega Chicken sandwiches, and it's only a matter of time before the world's supply of Smokehouse Turkey dries up, too!